Mistake Patterns
by Chinese Bakery
Summary: After Bella's disastrous birthday party, Edward has to face the consequences of Jasper's slip.


**Title: Mistake Patterns**  
**Author**: chinesebakery  
**Characters**: Edward, Alice, implied Edward/Bella  
**Summary**: After Bella's disastrous birthday party, Edward has to face the consequences of Jasper's slip.  
**Rating**: K  
**Spoilers**: New Moon (up to chapter 3, "The End")  
**A/N**: Thanks to becoolbec for the beta.

* * *

Watching Carlisle stitch her fragile pale skin together was possibly worse than seeing her in pain. Edward stared, transfixed, as the needle pierced the skin and sewed it together, trying vainly to ignore the overwhelming scent of her blood.

It was becoming a pattern, seeing her get broken and mended, waiting for the inevitable time when she couldn't be fixed anymore. What had just happened had been a long time coming, he knew. If anything, he was surprised they had managed to make it this far without any of them slipping. No, the worst wasn't the stitches, or the new scar that would now adorn her arm because of him. The worst was the mild relief he felt for not being the one to let his guard down.

"Edward," Carlisle said softly, his eyes never leaving Bella's injury, "you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."

"Yes, go find Jasper," Bella insisted, her eyes pleading with his.

"You might as well do something useful," Alice piped in. Her mind was sending his blurry pictures of the three of them sitting in the woods, but he couldn't discern the details.

His mind was so clouded with his own turmoil it was very near impossible to decipher their thoughts. They were all staring at him cautiously, as if expecting him to burst any minute. He wouldn't, not it front of her. If anything, he would implode.

_Edward, please,_ Carlisle demanded silently, his voice firm and clear, and Edward nodded in defeat. Without a word, he raced outside the house and into the woods.

--

Jasper was sitting on a large tree root, his head in his hands and his eyes tightly shut.

His posture was defensive, hunched like a wounded animal, but his thoughts were painfully clear. He was devastated, thoroughly ashamed of himself. Yet the craving was strong, threatening to break through the surface any minute. The smell of blood was still floating around his mind. Fresh, delicious human blood. Bella's blood. Ugly images flashed rapidly through his head before he could smother them. Jasper could see himself kneeling over her still body, draining her, drinking her life to the very last drop. And he hated himself for it.

Edward sat down opposite his brother, the silence thick between them. His anger was oozing off him, so strong and menacing it was almost tangible. He didn't make any attempt to control it. It made Jasper shudder, which prove oddly satisfying. At least he wasn't trying to mess with his feelings and for that, Edward was grateful. Of all the conflicting emotions rushing through his mind, anger was the easiest to deal with. It was also easier to direct it at Jasper when he knew he himself was the only one to blame. He would have to apologize for that later.

Alice's light footsteps took Edward by surprise. He was so focused on his own chaotic thread of thoughts he could barely hear hers. But her face was easy enough to read. She looked almost as miserable as he felt.

She frowned at him and sat down next to Jasper, her tiny hand wrapping around his broad shoulders. She bent her head until it rested against Jasper's as if trying to force some peace into his brain. Together, they sat still, waiting for each of them to recover.

--

"We should head back. Bella's all stitched up, she's going to need a ride."

When neither of them moved, Alice rubbed Jasper's back comfortingly one last time before she rose to her feet, staring at Edward expectantly.

Edward only nodded, his expression guarded. Still not trusting himself to speak to his brother, he followed her in the forest, anxious to put some distance between himself and Jasper's entwined mortification and lust for Bella's blood.

The walk back home was extremely uncomfortable. They were farther than he had realized before, which gave Alice ample time to search for an angle of attack. The last thing Edward wanted was to be reasoned with or comforted. Alice's head was full of snippets of sentences that made no sense and drove him crazy.

"Look," she cautiously broke the silence as they approached the edge of the forest, her eyes fixed on an invisible point straight ahead. "There's no need to do anything drastic. It was an accident. It won't happen again."

"Of course it will," he hissed. He was walking stiffly, his anger just barely under control. Alice decided to try another approach.

"We're taking a lot of unnecessary risks, here. If you would only consider –"

"Don't. Now is really not the time to discuss that matter, Alice."

"It's what she wants. She's told you often enough."

"It's what she _thinks_ she wants. For now. Five years from now, or fifteen, or fifty, when the routine sets in and she understands exactly what she gave up on..." Edward paused and sighed with frustration. "She's seventeen years old, perfectly healthy, there's a whole life ahead of her, a world of possibilities. I don't think she truly appreciates how permanent –"

Suddenly, Alice shrieked and stilled, her eyes widening with indignation as she saw with more precision the future he was choosing for all of them. Edward didn't bother waiting for her. In fact, he only strode faster.

"I like it here, Edward!" she pleaded as she reached his side again.

"I'm sorry, but that's not exactly my main concern," he shot back acidly, shaking her hand off his arm.

"Look, there's no need for you to overreact this way. I'm sorry Bella was hurt. Jasper's sorry. We're _all_ very sorry. We'll be more careful in the future. We just need to factor in her ability to injure herself with pretty much anything within her reach. It's not that big a deal."

"My brother almost drained my girlfriend's blood not an hour ago. I consider that a rather big deal. Actually, it's as big as they get. I almost got her killed once, I'm not putting her in danger anymore."

"And that's the best plan you've got? Disappearing? Writing yourself out of her life? How do you think she's gonna like _that_?"

"She'll get over it, in time. She'll have the life she deserves. She'll be fine."

"Oh really? And what about you?" she asked fiercely, planting herself in front of him to block his path.

Edward grunted. He didn't really have an answer to that.

"I can't believe it. Rosalie was right," she chuckled humorlessly, shaking her head.

"What do you mean?"

"She thinks Bella's your perfect outlet, what you've needed all along. A means to beat yourself up constantly, wallow in your misery and make yourself miserable. And look at you! She's been trying to make it easy on everyone for months, but you'd rather refuse her and spend the next few decades feeling sorry for yourself."

Her icy tone washed over him before her words made their way to his brain, and he felt so tired, suddenly. So very weary. It had been a terribly long evening for everyone, as demonstrated by Alice's uncharacteristic petulance, and he was desperate to be finally alone. To process everything and think it through.

The gates were just a few yards ahead, and Bella was waiting for him on the other side.

"Get out of my way, Alice," Edward sighed. Exhaustion felt odd and unfamiliar, but it was better than anger, better than worry and guilt. For the first time in longer than he could remember, he wished he could actually sleep. Escape for a few hours; stop the flow of his thoughts, and just rest.

"We still need to discuss this," she said sadly, and moved to let him lead the way.

"We will. But right now, Bella's in pain, and she needs to go home."

"Fine."

"If you tell her anything –"

"Oh, no, don't worry. You get to be the one to expose your master plan. I wouldn't want to spoil that for you," she huffed, and followed him inside the house.

--

After Bella fell asleep in his arms, her painful arm pressed to his frigid shoulder – the warmth of her wound insufferably tempting – he carefully entangled from her and drove back to the house. They were all sitting in the living room waiting for him, as he knew they would. The mood was grave, thick, and he suspected Jasper had very little to do with it. He still wouldn't meet his eyes.

The decision was as good as made. He knew Carlisle and Esme wouldn't fight him on the matter, Bella's safety was essential to them, too. It was only a matter of getting things in motion now.

Alice was furious with him. She was losing a friend, too, her one true friend outside the family, and it was devastating her. She silently begged him to let her make her goodbyes, to part amicably rather than disappear like she'd moved on to more interesting things. But he couldn't allow it. It would only complicate things further, make it more difficult for him to pretend they could all leave her behind without a second thought.

His eyes met Rosalie's severe gaze and he would have known exactly what she was thinking even if he couldn't hear her icy voice admonish him for the mess he had made. He couldn't really blame her. Perhaps she was more perceptive than he'd given her credit for, after all.

They had had one perfect summer together. That was more than what he could have wished for, more than he should have allowed himself, certainly more than he deserved. That summer was worth decades of misery. One single day would have been worth it. It was going to kill him to pretend otherwise.


End file.
